I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
