How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
