I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
