I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
