The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
