I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
