You can't special order awesome
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
