I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
