Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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