i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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