i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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