Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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