Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
