if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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