I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
