Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
