i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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