New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
