I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
