allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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