help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
