Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
