I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
