All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
