i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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