so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
this hospital has no fireball
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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