some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
