I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
