Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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