He kissed a someone with a penis
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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