do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm always down for nudity.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
