I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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