i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
