i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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