dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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