all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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