He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
