you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
