I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
