...so i touched it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
