why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
