did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
