I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
