Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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