Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
