some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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