Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
