Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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