Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
