I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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