I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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