my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
