He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
