Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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