i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
