So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have surprise drugs for everyone
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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