remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
