I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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