Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
