Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
