once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
