last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
