He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
