I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
