I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
