I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
