Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
