I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
