I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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