Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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