wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
