ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
