K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
