Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
