dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
