blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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