Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need a burrito and a hug.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
