You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
